• Current Reading List

    Peaceful Action, Open Heart - Thich Nhat Hanh*** Eat, Pray, Love*** Peaceful Living - Mary Mackenzie(daily reader)*** The Vein of Gold - Julia Cameron (this is a read a chapter a week type book)*** Dubliners - James Joyce*** Nursing: The Philosophy and Science of Caring - Jean Watson*** The Diary of Virginia Woolf. Volume I***
  • Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and I, I took the one less travelled by, and that has made all the difference.

Lonely?

lone·ly      [lohn-lee]

–adjective, -li·er, -li·est.

1. affected with, characterized by, or causing a depressing feeling of being alone; lonesome.
2. destitute of sympathetic or friendly companionship, intercourse, support, etc.: a lonely exile.
3. lone; solitary; without company; companionless.
4. remote from places of human habitation; desolate; unfrequented; bleak: a lonely road.

Okay, so none of these definitions seem to quantify what I am feeling now, but I search my brain fruitlessly to discover another words that explains it and am unable to dredge anything up. SO lonely it is. Yet it is a different kind of lonely than I have experienced before. I feel okay being by and with myself, and actually savor much of my alone time – time to spend in activities (or non-activity as it may be) without any requirements on my time except for work. But I am aware of a lack, a longing for something that is missing. I realized over the past few days what it is, and a person very special to me put word to it… I long for community. To be, in a physical presence, with people whom I share something deeper than just acquaintance. To be present with people who ‘get’ me, who accept me and love me. I have talked about my longing for intellectual conversation, but realize that I am getting plenty of that. I am probably communicating with some of my friends more than I was doing at home. The communication lines of phone, email, and even snail mail are open and I feel very blessed in my connection with people in that sense. So intellectual conversation is Not lacking, and connectedness with people is not lacking either. What is lacking is community. Actually being with those people. Having physical touch and eye contact, connecting in a way that is not possible over the fanciest of technology’s communication lines. It is very interesting to me, I am like my own anthropology/sociology.

As usual, naming/identifying my feeling helps to lessen the intensity of it. So now that I know what I am experiencing, I can rest in the knowledge that the community is awaiting me. In the beginning of Mar. I am going with a woman (whom I have connected with, but don’t see often) to the World Wellness Weekend in Albuquerque, where I will see Deepak Chopra and Marianne Williamson, among others. Yay, very exciting.

Thats a good note to end on for today.

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4 Responses

  1. Having someone nearby who understand you, shares the same interests, can make a world of difference.
    You’ll be going back home at the end of March?
    Have fun at the World Wellness Weekend! Isn’t March National Health and Wellness Month? Nifty!

  2. I know the feeling which you call lack of community, I have experienced that feeling periodically for quite some time. But I just have to live with it. You are fortunate in that you have a definite end point. March when you return home. I have breaks when I go visit friends and faamily. But I am tankful for what I have and who I am, And for friends and family.
    POP

  3. The disconnect you describe is something the say that many people feel, and it is said it extends from the nature of our highly mobil, electronic society. I don’t know if I totally buy the theory, but I’m sure in some respects it is true. It may extend more from the Western/American Ideal of being the independent “lone wolf” “I did it my way” cowboy mindset. Our love of Marathons and Triathlons speaks to our need to succeed…somewhat alone. The miracle of the marathon, for me, is the community – the running community. All those loners, including me, are being “independent together” as Herbie, the elf who would be dentist said. On further thought, I think it was Hume who struggled with the great aloneness – for you are the only one in your head (the little yellow man in my head reminds me of this from time to time… ;-D ). What to do? Keep on doing and you’ll find a “spot” where it feels natural to be. I almost said “your” spot – but I really do think there are multiple “spots” a person can be happy – other wise we’d truly be a nomadic society alway try to reach that green grass on the other side of the fence.

  4. Well said! I think that for me, it is more about having found that “spot” or being used to that sense of community that I have in Nashville, and realizing that I have that community there now that I am without it here. It is more than just connection, there is a physical element that is important that I can’t quite describe. Perhaps you said it well in your description of the running community. It is a spiritual connection of the soul too. Not to say that I can’t find that same “spot” elsewhere, but I recognize that it isn’t here. It is a good awareness.

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