• Current Reading List

    Peaceful Action, Open Heart - Thich Nhat Hanh*** Eat, Pray, Love*** Peaceful Living - Mary Mackenzie(daily reader)*** The Vein of Gold - Julia Cameron (this is a read a chapter a week type book)*** Dubliners - James Joyce*** Nursing: The Philosophy and Science of Caring - Jean Watson*** The Diary of Virginia Woolf. Volume I***
  • Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and I, I took the one less travelled by, and that has made all the difference.

Hate Revisited

imgp2920.jpgOutside of my window (as evidenced in the picture) a blustery winter storm rages. It is vaguely reminiscient to me of my emotional storm yesterday. Luckily, today, physically and in metaphor, I am calm and safe and free of the storm in my space. Yesterday, I recognize that not only was I a receiver of hate, but that I was also a projector of hate. And that is NOT the Woman I Want to Be – the woman that I know that I am, but that sometimes gets caught up in the ‘storm’. Hate begets hate – it is a viscious cycle. But I CAN choose not to engage in it, or at least can choose to step out of it. And today I choose to do so.

Several things helped me to come to this place of calm after the storm. The first was remembering and recognizing the wonder and beauty in my life. Yesterday I slept fitfully for a bit (remember I am a night worker), but then finally gave up the ghost and got up to run some errands. Still not ready to come back to this place that was looming hate at me (in my perception) I decided on a tired whim to take a drive out towards Vermejo – a drive that I had been told was spectacular. I drove through pine covered ‘mini’ mountains up and down a curvy road. Desolate and resplendent in its wintry beauty. I saw no houses, and passed only one or two cars. It was warm, and with the windows down and breathing the mountain air, I felt slivers of my serenity begin to return to me. Then as I topped the crest of these hills a magnificient panorama was revealed to me in the glory of distant and majestic snow capped mountain ranges, their stony majesty craning and meeting the brilliant blue sky. So – you get the picture – I was in awe. Then, I chanced to look back and see that a car behind me. Realizing that I was moving at a snails pace, to the assured dismay of the driver on my bumper, I looked down at my speedometer – and noticed the orange light alerting me that I had no gas. Yikes! I had left on an empty tank! I pulled off the road and turned around. 25 miles out in the middle of nowhere, I prayed that I would make it back and not have to foot it. Long story short, I made it back into Raton and to the nearest gas station with my engine sputtering and protesting. And I was reminded of how blessed I am, and that I am lucky in so many ways. Why should I let someone who evidently so unhappy that he felt the need to spread that misery to others, affect me.  I need not, and I will not.

So yes, hate begets hate. But I for one, for today, am choosing to step out of the circle. Just like in the storm blowing out my window, I cannot see the beauty of the mountains beyond the blinding whiteness, when I am emersed in the storm of hate I am blind to the beauty that does exist in mankind.

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