• Current Reading List

    Peaceful Action, Open Heart - Thich Nhat Hanh*** Eat, Pray, Love*** Peaceful Living - Mary Mackenzie(daily reader)*** The Vein of Gold - Julia Cameron (this is a read a chapter a week type book)*** Dubliners - James Joyce*** Nursing: The Philosophy and Science of Caring - Jean Watson*** The Diary of Virginia Woolf. Volume I***
  • Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and I, I took the one less travelled by, and that has made all the difference.

Literary Panic

Hmm, yes…I think that adequately describes my current state of mind. At least that is the nearest descriptor I can conceive at this time to relate my affect. This began this morning when I perused  ‘sample’ evaluation documents for a faculty members ‘year’ of achievements/accomplishments and I found myself quite lacking (of course I was comparing myself to a long-tenured faculty member who is also the director of the nursing program, but still). Not to mention other scholarly activities, community service, and organizational activities, Faculty publish. They write things, or they help write things, and they get published.

I have so many things running through my mind…I need to write something…I need to get published…I want to write something….but I feel that in order to do that, I need to be more knowledgeable of a variety of literary works that I could pull from. Plus, I like literature, and I do feel I am quite behind in that realm. There are so many things to read, so much knowledge to glean…and I wonder if I will ever be well read in my own standards. There is so much out there….Dante, Goethe, Jung, Emerson, (thought I have read one essay), Plato, Lao-Tzu, Thich Nhat Han (I have opened a book and it is on my nightstand), then of course nursing literature: Watson, Peplau, Rogers, Leininger….and we must not forget the classical fiction writers that I haven’t gotten to yet: Dostoevsky, Dumas, Hawthorne..and I would like to read everything by the Bronte sisters and Jane Austen (I have read most). I DO read alot, and grant you, while some of it is fun frivolous fiction (yes, often sci-fi..sigh), I do read a lot of non-fiction too. I do tend to keep several books going at once. Right now on my reading list: I just finished “A Spirituality of Imperfection: Spirituality and the search for meaning”, I am reading (working) A Course in Miracles, Flight of the Wild Gander by Joseph Campbell, a Pern book (fantasy fiction) that I can’t recall the name of by Anne Mccaffrey, Everyday Grace by Marianne Williamson… and of course the book that I have opened by Thich Nhat Han on meditation. Its my mother’s influence really, she was/is always reading multiple things.

And so what does all this have to do with me actually writing something myself? I guess it is just an excuse. I mean, I do want to have some solid foundation from which to write, but I suppose I can do this without knowing everything I want to know.

I realized today that a big thing holding me back is a memory. It has come to my mind several times over the last few weeks…and evidently for a reason. When I was about 16-17 years old, I decided I was going to write a book – a novel. I began to type. I had a beginning, I had bits of a middle and that was about it before I gave it up. I couldn’t quite seem to ‘get’ the plot that I needed, the thread necessary to pull all my ideas together in a cohesive whole. It was very disheartening, and I still carry that sense of “I can’t do it”.  I guess that is my fear today too. I have ideas, lots of them knocking around in my head…but can I pull them all together into something that makes sense? Something that is cohesive, where ideas in the beginning build and connect to subsequent ideas? Fear I do suppose, of not being good enough. So I guess (sometime in the relatively near future anyway) I will bite the bullet and try.

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