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Overwhelmed and underpaid

That has been my life for the past several weeks – well perhaps really since I started this job last summer. I have been working crazy-woman hours – something I don’t like to do, and I must say that I do occassionally doubt my sanity in continuing in this job. I am told that next year will be better, that the first year is always tough – and I can see that….but I doubt things will be much better because there is always more to do. Lately I have had much to write about, just not much time to do any writing. I do want to devote more time to writing – also to studying Turkish, making jewelry, gardening, and spending time with my husband (and friends too!)…..but not sure when that is going to happen. Perpetual busyness seems to be a state of being for me, one that I am not sure whether it is just something about me, or if it is a chronic condition of society that I have readily taken on. Sigh.

When complaining (which I do seem to be doing a heckuva lot of lately) about my schedule, someone recently responded “but you like things that way”. “What say you!??!, Not I!!” I protest, but a small niggling voice tells me to look at myself more honestly. I seem to be continually looking forward to a time when I will be less busy. “when I get finished with my masters, when I finish this project, this job, this…..” and the list is neverending and I continue to be overly busy.

During a separate complaining session, this time about the very sad state of compensation for my work, I was challenged to look at whether I have a pattern of accepting jobs in which I will be paid much less than my degree can afford me. “Humph!”, I again protest, but honest evaluation shows this to be true for the last several jobs I have had. What is that about? I certainly could be making half-again as much and maybe even twice as much as I am making now – particularly considering the insane amount of hours I am working.

Did I mention that I do not like to work greater than 40 hours per week? (in fact, ideally I like to work less than that!!). I don’t want to be one of those people whose jobs consume 80-90% of their time. Yet here I am, exactly in that place. So now the question is, what am I going to do about it??  Where does my happiness lie? What in life is most important to me? Where are my priorities? Because of course there are benefits to this insane schedule and low-paying job. There is nothing like having a student tell you what a mentor you have been, or give you other grand compliments that make you feel like you are doing something worthwhile.

Ah well, more cud to chew.


One Response

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