• Current Reading List

    Peaceful Action, Open Heart - Thich Nhat Hanh*** Eat, Pray, Love*** Peaceful Living - Mary Mackenzie(daily reader)*** The Vein of Gold - Julia Cameron (this is a read a chapter a week type book)*** Dubliners - James Joyce*** Nursing: The Philosophy and Science of Caring - Jean Watson*** The Diary of Virginia Woolf. Volume I***
  • Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and I, I took the one less travelled by, and that has made all the difference.

when I grow up…

I often think I want to be an anthropologist. or a musician…play a guitar, the piano, maybe a flute..but really I want to sing.  or really be really artsy and paint, draw with charcoals. Learn to throw some serious pottery.  And I would definitely like to learn more about astronomy and spend some serious time star-gazing. And I want to learn to speak and write Turkish -fluently.  After that, Kurdish, then Spanish, then French.  And I want to write …. books and poetry (I have done the latter but it was a Looong time ago). I want to learn some serious ball-room dancing, especially swing…the charleston and the lindy. I want to study the religions of the world (which I do in my spare time, but in more depth).  I want to become an herbalist (certification), I want to complete my Master’s level Reiki, I would like to learn about aromatherapy. And of course complete my Doctorate in Nursing…..all leading up to either doing research on culture and health and of course opening my own practice. Also want to do some world travel – perhaps some ‘nurses-without-borders’. And work on an Indian reservation. Generally I want to work more with underserved populations of different cultures. I want to learn more about different cultures by immersing myself in them.

Oh yeah, and then there is this other thing….It is possible that I may want to squeeze in having some some creatures called children sometime in the future… of course that means being pregnant for 9 months, going through labor (and having worked as a L&D nurse, I am not really excited about that prospect), and of course being consumed by the small and adorable parasitic creatures that eventually turn in to teenagers. So I am still thinking that one over…..ahem, I mean….oh heck., I meant that.. sure kids are sweet and great, and I really do like them and think they are adorable, but generally it seems like they take up a lot of time and energy – which of course I will probably find to be totally worth it – because i would love them and devote my life to them blah blah and all that (as bad as this sounds, I do think I might be a decent mom). And of course if I did have the little mites, I would want to be a stay-at-home mom…and home school…..and raise little geniuses who were perfectly adjusted blah blah blahahaha.

Yesterday was the official anniversary of the day my hubby and I got married. (We got married at the courthouse several weeks before the actual wedding). The day before was his birthday…he is now 39. 1 year before the big 4-0.  We have been married for two years, and together for 9. I will be 33 this Sept.  We have a wonderful marriage and I feel so blessed in that regard. But I am, as usual,  digressing. I awoke this morning thinking…..”when we first met….I was 23 going on 24…..” and I suddenly felt a-ged….and running out of time. Okay, yeah that’s silly, whatever. BUt it is how I am feeling. And I guess it wasn’t so suddenly, I have been having this creeping feeling for a while…/running out of time/ time to do all the things above and start a storybook family and be a stay-at-home-mom…..oh and all the other myriad things that I discover almost daily that I want to do.

I have been blaming this on being called “Mrs. Barut” by my students. Nothing like being called “Mrs.” by people younger AND older than you to make one feel young and peppy. *nervous laughter* Of course it also may have something to do with societal pressure…(“when are you guys having a baby????” expectations!  I swear, since we have been married the number of times a week I am asked this has gone up exponentially) …and the pressure of medical society. “35” is the big number that is looming at me. That is the magical number where you become AMA….the dreaded advanced maternal age where your risks go up and they do all kinds of lovely tests….and worry about baby health etc etc.

so i am a little obsessing and now in that frame of mind, I am going to work hi-ho!

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