• Current Reading List

    Peaceful Action, Open Heart - Thich Nhat Hanh*** Eat, Pray, Love*** Peaceful Living - Mary Mackenzie(daily reader)*** The Vein of Gold - Julia Cameron (this is a read a chapter a week type book)*** Dubliners - James Joyce*** Nursing: The Philosophy and Science of Caring - Jean Watson*** The Diary of Virginia Woolf. Volume I***
  • Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and I, I took the one less travelled by, and that has made all the difference.

Middle-grade Depression

creeping up on the scale from low grade to middle grade.  hmmm., i thought i agreed to just one day of this. i would like to be enveloped in the comforting arms of acceptance. to be held and told that this will pass, or maybe not told anything at all. in these places where i feel unloving and unloveable i would like to receive love, desire connection. yet i run from it. perhaps because the part of me (the negative, dark side) that revels in this black murky mood know that if i were to recieve that love and tactile comfort it would be as a cooling balm on scalded flesh. yet it is as if a dark cloud has settled over this house. i think dh is infected too. no place of refuge, no shelter from this emotional storm.

such an effort to pull up the mask today. i think it gets harder with disuse. because thankfully i do not have so many of these days that necessitate donning the artificial face. the face that says that i am FINE, not sad, not despairing,  not yearning to pull the covers over my head.  it is harder on the days that the mask has to be professional. not only FINE but also concerned, empathetic, caring. when truly i don’t want to hear about or process any one else’s misery. thank you but i have enough of my own today.

i still have not uncovered the *why*. i am a reasoning person. it helps me to understand things, to figure them out. but for now this just is. and it is yucky.

now that i have brightened your day i must off to work with the hapless souls in a psychiatric hospital. there but for the grace of god and all that garbage.

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