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All things financial

All things financial tend to freak me out. Money coming in, money going out, debt, how to make more money, not enough money, beliefs about money, paying off debt, ever increasing interest. AAAAGGGHHH.

So this morning bright and early I go online to pay my student loan payment. I don’t like to think about how much I owe, (which is 1/2 of what I owe on my house…yikes!). I am on a graduated payment plan right now (another detail I don’t like to think about too hard) because the full amount results in the money running out before the next payday…and you know, I like to eat and have electricity and gas in my car – things like that.

So this morning, I am gonna make this payment real quick before my run because I usually pay it earlier in the month, so I don’t think I have more money than I do, even though it is not due until the end of the month, and here is it already almost mid-month. whew. Anyway it is showing that I owe almost 2.5 times my regular payment, including late fees etc. What the heck!!! Time for panic and now I am running late to run, which sets my whole morning back and generally I am in a very agitated state.

So I call the loan company, who initially tell me I am late….even though I made a payment last month. Then, oops, hahaha, there the payment is, it got applied to the wrong group (which will not be due until 2011…can’t wait) and just hold on while we fix it. whew.

I am becoming more and more aware of all the negative beliefs I have about money, and all things financial. It makes me hurt, and I am beginning to wonder if it is true all the stuff I have been reading lately about how your beliefs create your situation in life (like my belief that dealing with money is difficult, or that there is always lack). I am trying to become aware of those beliefs and work on changing them – even though the task seems monumental, as many of these beliefs and fears about money are very well entrenched.

But then, tailspins like the one I had this morning are not much fun either.


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