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Okay, so it has taken me 5 days to blog about this and I have almost lost my enthusiasm for blogging about this…but I feel it is important to do so, because it is important to me. Unfortunately life and visitors got in the way of having lots of time (beloved visitors all around…and don’t get me wrong, I would rather be with people, but you know).

Anyhoo…I ran my first 5k on Friday! Woohoo! This may not be a very big deal to many, but it is a HUGE deal for me. You must understand context. This race really made it clear from me just how much so much of my life has been dictated by my insecurities about my weight. I have always been the “fat girl” and avoided situations where I would feel embarrased because of my weight or where I felt my weight would bring me down. I always compare myself to others – others are slimmer, more fit, less out of breath. Generally engaging in any kind of activity with people other than those VERY close to me has been something I have avoided and had a lot of shame about.

This race was a big prover to me that I CAN do what I set out to do, and that really I have just been holding myself back unnecessarily. I will say that I was a bit nervous on the way there…nervous about other people judging me…about being the fattest girl there, fear about being the very last person crossing the finish lineĀ – all kinds of negative garbage. But absolutely NONE of it was true. A friend told me I would love the race energy, and she was RIGHT! There were people of ALL shapes and sizes, at all different levels of fitness, and everybody was having a good time.

I ran the whole way – slow but steady. I was planning on being okay with needing to walk – but I didn’t. I ran slow but sure and it really felt good. It helped that my hubby trudged along (for his natural speed is much more than mine) encouraging me all the way.

It felt good. I felt good. And I feel like I can meet my goals…and that the future is filled with a Jennifer that doesn’t let her weight dictate her life…and for this girl of currently 206lbs (and steadily trending downward), that is a very good thing.


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