• Current Reading List

    Peaceful Action, Open Heart - Thich Nhat Hanh*** Eat, Pray, Love*** Peaceful Living - Mary Mackenzie(daily reader)*** The Vein of Gold - Julia Cameron (this is a read a chapter a week type book)*** Dubliners - James Joyce*** Nursing: The Philosophy and Science of Caring - Jean Watson*** The Diary of Virginia Woolf. Volume I***
  • Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and I, I took the one less travelled by, and that has made all the difference.

Tumbling through despairing locales

That is what I have been doing lately. Tumbling through places of despair. I tumble through and in and out of those places much like a dry bristly tumbleweed. Thank God I do tumble back out again. Tumbling through is not much fun. In fact I hate it passionately. The winds of chaos, despair, sadness, or some other such pick me up and off again I go. Just when I thought I had mustered up the strength to stay put in a place of stability again…off I whirl.

That is just the way life is right now. It hasn’t helped that the sun chose to hide her face for what seemed to be a milennia. Driving home from the hospital where I had just gazed on the tired, careworn and drug-weary face of my dying sister, it seemed as if the dark clouds had penetrated my very being and I saw everything through a stormy doom-filled lens. I saw every homeless person and the despair on their lined and hungry faces. Behind every wheel of every car accompanying me on my journey home was a person tired of life and its angst and pain. Phew, yeah I am totally driving myself off a bridge just talking about how despondent I felt.

The weekend didn’t get much better. In fact, it got much work. I even thought about drinking for who-the-heck ever’s sake.  There is a reason I don’t drink. OR smoke. But I did neither of those. Instead I drove to a park and turned my back on all the happy smiling people and families and silently cursed them all.

Today was much much better. Tumbling out again, but ever so slowly. Dragging myself painfully out one inch by tiny inch at a time is more like it.  The sun does improve my mood immeasurably. As well as the love of friends. AND perspective. Its no wonder I tend to see a skewed world with all those dark clouds sifting through my brain. And it never helps to be menstruating at the same time. That is a perfect remedy for despair upon despair.

So for now I am sipping on a beautiful chai latte (i made myself…ummm) and about to drown myself in a meaningless television show and trusting that everything is going to be okay. Somehow. Somehow.

I really wanted to blog about finishing the third of my 50 list: The Little Prince …which almost doesn’t count because it was so short. But so so so sweet. And a lot to ponder about, particularly knowing the history of the author. Beautiful. I may just read it again before I return the book to the library.

I also want to blog about monsters. And why the movie Where The Wild Things Are brings me to tears. Well the previews do – I have yet to see the movie. But I will.

Also about this lusciously marvelous pumpkin butter (sans butter) that I made this week. I could seriously upturn the jar and inhale the succulent stuff. But I am restraining myself and savoring it in my daily morning yogurt instead.

Okay, nuff already. Drowning in mindless television begins….now.

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