• Current Reading List

    Peaceful Action, Open Heart - Thich Nhat Hanh*** Eat, Pray, Love*** Peaceful Living - Mary Mackenzie(daily reader)*** The Vein of Gold - Julia Cameron (this is a read a chapter a week type book)*** Dubliners - James Joyce*** Nursing: The Philosophy and Science of Caring - Jean Watson*** The Diary of Virginia Woolf. Volume I***
  • Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and I, I took the one less travelled by, and that has made all the difference.

on being a half-drowned duck

That is what I felt like most of last week. Flailing legs, drooping head, glassy eyes. That was me as I strugged to get through another long and extremely gloomy week of days. I felt generally unwell last week…and although I tried to convince myself otherwise, I was actually pretty sick most of the week. I think I was just generally drained from the activity of the past month or so – and that is hell on the ole immune system. I feel like I missed all of January and here now half of February because my head was stuck in the sands of work and more work. I didn’t do a long run last week, which makes me sad…but my energy level was virtually nil. I must say I gave it a good go – and did run a total of 11 miles for the week. But I want you to really get the image of the half-drowned duck – soggy feathers and all – flailing about on the treadmill. I am certain that is what I looked like. It is absolutely what I felt like.

I am hopeful for an increase in energy this week, but suffer twinges of doubt as to its liklihood.  My workload is less, but the sky is overcast and I seriously feel I need strong, regular doses of direct sunlight to restore me to some semblance of my pre-winter self. I think if I lived somewhere with even the slightest increase in cloudiness, I would never emerge from the depths of warm and toasty bedcovers.Never.  As it is here, it is quite a struggle each morning to get my limbs to reinquish their toasty nest. And if I am home, the outcome of the battle to overcome the urge to dive back into the safety and warmth of lovely quilts is never certain.  I am seriously contemplating relocating to a sunnier clime, just to avoid this end-winter doldrum. It is that time where spring is just around the corner, or so the pages of the calendar lead me to believe, yet it feels so very very far away that I wonder if I can survive until its arrival. Yes, this sounds very dramatic – but this is serious stuff! It feels as though I am slogging through mud the majority of the time – thick and cold mud at that, and I want nothing more than to stay inside under lots and lots of layers and drown myself in episodes of mind-numbing television series (most currently Torchwood – just finished Season 2). So perhaps I am a cross between an almost dead duck and a bear.

On another note, I have finished Virginia Woolf’s Mrs Dalloway. The book is genius. It must be, because I couldn’t understand what was going on half the time. Truly it made me feel like a half-wit. Woolf’s liquid sentences were the same – so full of life and description that I would get lost in her words – so lost that I couldn’t figure out what was happening as she jumped from character to character. I finally felt that I had a pretty good sense of what was going on…right before the book ended unexpectedly and without the closure that I find so comforting. The problem is likely that I tend to read very fast. I jump into my reading and plow through like I am tearing up sod – eager to get from the tough dried surface layer into the moist rich loam of the interior. I think that Woolf’s writing requires more delicacy, a a much slower pace than I was able to give Mrs. Dalloway at the present time.  I believe it needs a re-read to do it justice, but I just can’t bear to right now.

For  now it is time to drag this dead duck into a semblance of life and get about the work-day.

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