Officially Overweight

This is a good thing. I have been obese for a very very long time. Then I was morbidly obese for longer than I care to admit. Blech. Those words “obese” and “morbidly obese” are so defeating. labeling. demeaning. hurtful. sad. stigmatizing. They say nothing about the reality of who I am as a woman. They say nothing about the challenges and pain and often bittersweet joy that I have struggled through during this “battle” against being obese. I am learning the true meaning of such phrases as “hate only generates hate” and “violence begets violence”. For in this “battle” I was waging against obesity, I had declared war against myself. 

About a year ago, I held up the white flag of truce and since then have embraced the dove of peace. I am learning what it means to love myself. To love the parts of myself that I thought were unloveable. The jiggley places, the dimply places, the places of lumps and bumps and sags and drags. I am transforming. I am no longer battling myself. The war against my obesity is over and peace has taken its place. I still don’t always like what I see in the mirror – and I am much kinder to myself when I have clothes on…but this transition to peace hasn’t happened overnight. When you have hated for so long, it takes time to return fully to love. I am transforming and the fruits of my labors are very sweet.

One of these fruits is that I can no longer be called obese! Yippee!! The unfortunate events of the past week have officially dropped me into the overweight category (according to my BMI and height which of course doesn’t take into account these rocking hard muscles that I have developed). I am merely overweight. Once again, this word, this term doesn’t define who I am. I am a simple conundrum of complexities and contradictions. I have a history – a past full of joy and pain. That past doesn’t define me but it helped shape me and I love and embrace all of it for that. But I no longer hold on to that past or use it to define me.  I am defined by my present; who and how I am right now. And I love my present shape. Watch out “normal”  here I come! 

ahem. In that last statement I was referring to a “normal BMI”. I fully resist “normalcy” in every other way shape and form except of course for how I define normal for me.