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Miles 5&6

My painting has become my meditation. I am in a place where I am avoiding meditation….avoiding some feelings that I need to feel, but don’t feel quite ready yet. Normally my journaling and meditation practice are what keep me centered and keep me processing emotionally. I have been largely avoiding those practices, again because I am avoiding. I am aware, but I feel very very resistant. I think that this process of painting is what is keeping me emotionally as grounded as I possibly can be right now.

It is very soul soothing to mix the colors and allow the process to flow from my hand. I am finding that I am much more able to let go of the process than I could have imagined. The images are simple, so it doesn’t take a lot of energy or thought. I just put them down on the canvas and the results don’t really matter. It is the process that matters. Being in the moment and experiencing that moment fully instead of fretting in the moment about what the results could be, and whether or not I will like the way things turn out. I am even doing the paintings in fits and starts…a little color here today..a little more tomorrow. I imagine things coming out one way, and they don’t…but it is still good.

I painted mile #5 with my nondominant hand (as suggested) and it was most surprising to me how neatly the circles came out. Not as sloppy as I imagined they would, and not as sloppy (but fun sloppy) as the model. I wanted sloppy and loose. I got order and symmetry. Perhaps that is what I needed.

I really am pleased with the way this turned out. It is a happy picture and the colors are happy and the flowers friendly.

I wasn’t quite ready to let this one be covered up right away, so I went ahead and painted over my lady that I had on the second canvas for the “mandala” drawing. I wasn’t particularly pleased with with simplicity of this mile, but I actually found the painting of it to be quite soothing. I think that the best part about it was letting go of the desire to have this amazing creation. It was just circles and colors. The rest didn’t matter.


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