• Current Reading List

    Peaceful Action, Open Heart - Thich Nhat Hanh*** Eat, Pray, Love*** Peaceful Living - Mary Mackenzie(daily reader)*** The Vein of Gold - Julia Cameron (this is a read a chapter a week type book)*** Dubliners - James Joyce*** Nursing: The Philosophy and Science of Caring - Jean Watson*** The Diary of Virginia Woolf. Volume I***
  • Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and I, I took the one less travelled by, and that has made all the difference.
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Happy New Year

The sun is shining…and that is how I am feeling. (well emotionally at least..I am also the teensiest bit hung-over). The sun symbolizes joy and hope and new-ness for me today. I am most grateful for this sunny day to start a new year and a new decade. Reflections on this year just past bring a lot of joy and a lot of sorrow. This has been a year of many many changes in my life and I feel a lot of gratitude and a lot of pause. Yes pause. There is a yearning in me to create space – a container to hold and honor and rejoice and mourn many of these changes that have happened over this past year. These changes seem innumerable (though really they are finite and I am exaggerating) so I will only list a few. All of these things listed here are monumental to me – though some of them may seem trivial compared to others. Each bears a depth of emotional convolutions. Some I have blogged about, others you will just have to guess at. Each has had great weight in my life:

  • Reconnecting with my older sister
  • Death of my older sister
  • Getting to know my youngest nephew
  • Starting a New journey of health
  • Releasing 69 pounds and still releasing
  • Running two Races!! (5k & 5 miles)
  • Registering for a half-marathon!!!
  • Falling in mad love with my husband again (I never fell out mind you…I just fell in deeper and in a different way)
  • Short hair-cut
  • creative efforts
  • fishnet
  • Wine
  • Clinical at Vanderbilt

So much to say about each. So much change. pain. sorrow. joy. wonder. My intentions were to blog about my hopes and goals for the upcoming year. Instead I will rest in this pause. Close the container.

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Joy

Seriously, it doesn’t take much to make me happy. For those of you who read the post preceding, you might be thinking right now that I am a wack-job, or at the very least I have mercurial mood-swings (which may be true every now and then, but not now). But, no, that is not the case.

Yes I met with my sister. Yes it was fine…good actually – and surprisingly I feel at peace. Not beginning anew, but at peace. I have desired this for so long that to actually feel it is truly amazing. Lifting of the veil of darkness that is self-created and feeling connection on a human level.

Anyway, I digress. Back to simple things that make me happy.

1. Being a kid with my husband. Yesterday evening we flew our kite. Love love. Soul nourishment. Running in the park in my barefeet and my suit pants that I never changed out of after work. I shed the jacket and the shoes along with the adult Jennifer and just played. Gusts of wind and soaring then diving crashing. Running and laughing. We played again today. Badmitton of sorts in the backyard. Not scoring, just playing.

2. Feeling the fall air. I seriously could live outside right now. I want to erect a tent in my backyard and pretend I am 10 again. I want to pile up in blankets on my front porch swing and dwell in the crispness of the air. Air that’s redolent of pumpkins, the spice of crushed leaves, and the soft gentleness of change. I am especially loving riding my scooter right now. I took it out twice today. Once with a destination, once without. I love the smells as I am riding. freshly mown lawn, the fire of barbeque grills, dryer sheets, and cooking smells are just a few of the delights of my nose. The wind feels incredible (though a bit nippy now, I am going to have to start wearing gloves) and I try to ignore the random sensations of wetness from I know not where. I feel joy.  When I feel like this, not much can get me down. I was riding behind an SUV when I felt some random wetness on my face (not nice)…but then it seemed like rain. Learned something new: if you use your windshield wiper fluid and a cycle is behind you – they get a bath. So, I see this is happening, and I slow down a bit to avoid the deluge. But this lady is continually using her spray for like 4 blocks! Then we get to a stop sign and she is still pumping it out. What the heck! Then she starts using the rear sprayer! Okay, seriously? I then notice that she is watching me in the rearview. I know tend to think that the world is all about me all the time, but seriously! So I start laughing. Normally this would piss me off, but today I just find it uproariously funny. I am shaking my head and laughing all to myself and she is still watching me in the rearview…and guess what? She stops the spraying. Whether it was about me or not, it was very entertaining.

3. Getting nods and waves from cool motorcycle dudes. This happens when I ride the scooter. It makes me feel kind of cool….even though a part of me feels a wee bit like a fraud because a motorcycle is in a whole nother class…but still.

4. Masala Tea Spice. I am sipping a glorious chai as we speak. Soul happy seriously.

5. Lovely friends that make me smile and like to play funsies.

6. Silly cats

7. Fresh fig eaten right off the tree.

8. Seriously there is more but now my stove is beeping its damn head off and I must away. smiles.